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Wednesday, September 07, 2005
H: I'm leaving...
B: What did you say?
H: Leaving, for good....
(silence)
H: But I want to thank you, for everything. For bearing with my ideas, my silly thoughts, my rantings...especially my immaturity.
B: But why?
H: I just want to stop.
B: Did I do something wrong?
H: No, you have been so patient with me, and I owe you a lot.
B: Why so sudden?
H: I've been thinking about it for the past few weeks...
B: And now you've finally decided to quit?
H: Yes.
(silence)
H: I'm sorry.
B: It's alright. I know it's not your fault. It's just that...I no longer excite you. I could feel it.
H: No, it's not about you. It's about ME. It's just me. I...I am again experiencing this crappy feeling ... I just want to be quiet for now. I just want to...gather my thoughts, and tell them to no one.
(silence)
H: I'm sorry. I feel awful about this...
B: Don't be...I'm alright.
(silence)
H: Thank you. I'll miss you.
B: I'll just be here. Come back anytime...
________________________________________________________________________
THIS BLOG IS CLOSED.
la polianitsa got inspired again last 09:28 pm
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Melissa Manchester kept me company this morning before I went to bed, and late this afternoon during my "coffee ritual". Her words are still ringing in my ear....
"Please, don't let this feelin' end,
It might not come again;
And I want to remember
How it feels to touch you;
How I feel so much,
Since I've found you
Lookin' through the eyes of love."
I miss my twisted sunshine. :-(
tic-tac-tic-tac-tic-tac-tic-tac!!!
Enough!
*I'll just go back to reading Ever Since Darwin and Noam Chomsky's Structuralism to keep me sane.
la polianitsa got inspired again last 10:40 pm
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
In my dream the Indian snake charmer I was watching from afar became Reynaldo Gianecchini when he removed his turban. Before I knew it, I felt myself slowly floating up from the crowd that gathered around him. He was trying to put me back to the ground with his flute (say what?!?), or rather, by the sound of it, but the more he tried the more I floated above the ground!!!
Tsk tsk tsk...but why Reynaldo Gianecchini of all people?!?
There must be really something about the Sao Paulo sun that produces faces like this...
Knock knock!!! Calling Sigmund Freud. Did you say subconscious?
...but come to think of it, a face like this could only mesmerize you for while, you will drool till you drop, then afterwards it's just blank!!!
...I should stop googl-ing!*
la polianitsa got inspired again last 04:06 am
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Nancy Drew has been nosing around again, poking and clicking incomprehensible symbols, decoding signs and tapping buttons to wherever they might lead her. Simply put, she is one "psycho-bitch" over Ned Nickerson's ex-lass (thanks to Wyl for that word!).
And alas! What did Nancy discover?
(...blank...)
It's just bloody pathetic!
Lassie resembles that scary ghost in a Korean movie she saw with her friends.
*Sorry, I'm using my jargon. If you're good enough and you decode this, shoot me an email. Otherwise, just go back to reading the Bobsey Twins or something shallow.
Analyze this. Go figure. (laughs)
la polianitsa got inspired again last 04:25 am
Reading: Laughing Matters, A Celebration of American Humor ed. by Gene Shalit
Some excerpts from the book I currently have my hands (eyes, heart, head) on...
Rivkin: I got a belly full of stars, baby. You make me feel like I swallowed a Roman candle.
__________
Stella (Dreamily): Love me, sugar?
Rivkin: I can't sleep, I can't eat, that's how I love you. You're a double malted with two scoops of whipped cream; you're the moon rising over Mosholu Parkway; you're a two weeks' vacation at Camp Nitgedaiget! I'd pull down the Chrysler Building to make a bobbie pin for your hair!
-(Waiting for Santy by S.J. Perelman)
la polianitsa got inspired again last 02:41 am
Saturday, August 20, 2005
NOTHING.
It's the chamada this afternoon, when you can't find the right words to express yourself. It's the dead air when we both know there's a lot to say.
NOTHING.
The silence was deafening.
la polianitsa got inspired again last 02:43 am
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Great expectations are normally shattered by sudden, unexpected, inevitable events.
I realized this while I was walking aimlessly in an empty, forgotten street on my way home. While I was feeling wasted from what seemed like a tiresome, endless day. While I was smoking my cigarette, hoping that each time I exhale the smoke, all my troubles would be carried out by the fumes that dissipate and finally mingle with the cold night air, to finally settle into some unknown area of this lonely smoking room I'm in.
With every sip of coffee, with every ounce of caffeine absorbed by my already caffeine-addicted system, my head begins to spin with a thousand thoughts. My mind is too tired to make sense out of these random sparks, and I feel slowly, effortlessly dragged in an abyss.
The wind blows my hair in all directions and forces some strands to cover my face but I would not even lift a finger to fix the mess. My senses are too tired, too numb to follow the stimuli sent by some weary neurons on the verge of a serious breakdown.
For one second, I felt it.
I was in a deep void. I was just floating. I was lifeless.
la polianitsa got inspired again last 02:36 am
Monday, August 15, 2005
Nand'yan ka na naman
tinutukso-tukso ang aking puso
ilang ulit na bang
iniiwasan ka di na natuto
sulyap ng 'yong mata
laging nadarama kahit malayo
nahihirapan na
lalapit-lapit pa di na natuto
isang ngiti mo lang
at ako'y napapaamo
yakapin mong minsan
ay muling magbabalik sa'yo
na walang kalaban-laban
ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang
ooh...
o eto na naman
laging nananabik ang aking puso,
ooh...
muling bumabalik
sa 'yong mga halik
di na natuto
refrain:
isang ngiti mo lang
at ako'y napapaamo (woh...)
yakapin mong minsan
ay muling magbabalik sa'yo
na walang kalaban-laban
ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang
ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang
It is indeed true that Mephistopheles or Belzeebub or whatever his name is strikes when you are at your weakest, when he knows that you are powerless and could be easily swayed. Oh dear-ie!!! Not like this! HHHAAAAHHH!!! Bakit ngayon pa, bakit ngayon pa?!?
I'll just pretend I don't see, hear, and feel anything.
Bakit, bakit, bakit?!?
You know very well where to hit me. You know my weak spots. I hate you.
la polianitsa got inspired again last 12:07 pm
Friday, August 12, 2005
R-18 (that's why it's in Spanish!)
"Yo daría la vida
por amanecer en tu piel,
por sentirte otra vez...
tu desnudez...
por nacer y vivir..."
I don't know but there's something graphic somewhere...or is it just my imagination? hahaha!
This is what I get for hearing too much jazz. I turn green. c",)
la polianitsa got inspired again last 11:12 pm
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
The past few days have been so unbelievably tiring. I don't get enough sleep, I couldn't even eat my meals properly (or on time), I have to run errands for people, I'm bugged by long distance phone calls in the wee hours of the morning (as in between 3am and 4 am!!!), I have to write so many letters, make so many phone calls, talk to so many people, and most of all...have to wait for the results of all these efforts.
It's always the waiting which kills. The waiting. I hate waiting. I hate waiting for results. It kills me. It exhausts me. It drains me.
At certain moments, I just feel like crying because I'm too tired to do anything else. I have felt so much tension in the past 5 days than I could ever imagine. I'm the usual "do-whatever-whenever" girl who could accomplish so many things at the same time. But not with so much pressure involved. Not with so much tension. Definitely not like this.
Could anyone please bring me to Timbuktu so I could rot there?!?
*Sniff!
la polianitsa got inspired again last 10:50 pm
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